Randum Thoughts

I am thinking of you constantly as you know you are my love, life, my reason to live, you have become my everything in a short while. I love you very much. It pains me when you are far from me. It pains me even more so knowing that you are not well and I am not near you to comfort you to take care of you. I love you dearly more than myself. Adu and you are the light that carry my life. Adu is already far from me now you have gone far too. I hope this is temporary. But unfortunately I'm sensing a change in your resolve. You seem to be doubting our love, you seem to be doubting the decision that we had taken to spend our life together, you seem to be getting comfortable in your existing life. You are again falling prey to short term pampering, the colour of money and resources. I am not just saying this I notice so many things. the way you are behaving, the decisions you are reversing. I can clearly see that you are easily swayed.

Jaan I do love you very much but what Nini is saying has some truth to it. I do not have an instict of self preservation. I do not want to fall into the hole of misery that took me 13 years to crawl out from. I need to be ready for anything. I had asked for only love and steadfast commitment from your side. I know that I can't change what you feel. I am hurting deeply and am scared to my bones of loosing you. This is not healthy. I wish that you love me unconditionally and with courage that true and deep love brings with it. You can see in me that courage. I hope that you feel that much love and get courage.

Also please look back in time. People do not change suddenly they will keep doing what they have been doing. They will pretend and act when they feel that they are about to loose something as precious as you. But once you stay they will become careless and complacent again. You need to decide, you need to choose. You have decided and chosen wrong many times in your life. This time I believe higher powers have been creating circumstances to bring us closer in many ways that even I am surprised. But the universe can only show you the way it can't push you. You need to decide. I hope you choose you wisely. In every man's life there are various things that drive them. For some money is important, for some fame, for some power, for some respect and adoration. For me love, true deep undying love and lifelong commitment is important. If I am dreaming a fools dream with you, please do let me know. Don't give me a sudden shock. I can sense your thoughts changing and your wishes changing. I know that I have said enough and tried enough in life to show you that I will bring stars and moons to your feet. That's my commitment but I can't do that tomorrow. It will require time. I need to give you comfort soon within this year. I need to create things for you that will take little time. But it seems you have got comfortable in your situtation. I insist that you do not break my heart after our things progress even further. I am already too deep into you. But if you are thinking something like this please give me a fair warning.